The Missing Piece
by ArgentNoelle
Summary: Something had happened the night of the feast. It was as if one moment they were in love—and now they weren't. Their lives had been pushed ajar and they could do nothing but wonder what had happened. [Thor/Loki, love potion]
1. Chapter 1

based on this prompt:  
norsekink. livejournal [dot-com] /9985. html? thread= 22146561# t22146561

* * *

"I tell you these potions will work. They came guaranteed from a __very__ reliable source."

Hodur looked over. Across the tables, on the other side of the feasting hall, the two princes were drinking with their companions. The air was hot from the fires and many people in the hall. He leaned closer to his companion, speaking out of the corner of his mouth. "Nothing's happening." He waited, while the other scoffed. "How did you get this into their drinks anyway? What if there's a mistake?"

"Calm down," Baldur answered confidently. "It's all been planned out. And I didn't drug their cups—all I needed was to get a few drops of this potion onto each of them. When sober, they won't know a thing—but the more they drink, the stronger the effects of the drug will be, until they can't keep their hands off each other."

Hodur leaned back. He watched as the princes downed cup after cup, sending them falling onto the ground before taking another. "All right," he admitted. "That's good, that's very good. Where did you get it, anyway?"

Baldur smiled. "Trade secrets," he said. He spun the little vials in his hand, and looked at the two princes pensively. He fingered the blue one, sighing. "I wanted to give this one to Thor," he admitted.

"Why didn't you?" Hodur asked curiously.

Baldur laughed incredulously. "Can you imagine the suspicion? No… the younger prince is the sorcerer, and a trickster besides… it will be much more believable this way." He slipped the vials back into his pocket.

Hodur grinned at Baldur's black expression. "Thor will get his comeuppance," he said. "It shouldn't be long now… we can sit here and watch the show."

.

.

.


	2. Chapter 2

He kept noticing Thor. Not that Loki usually _didn't_ notice Thor, but there was something different this time, and he couldn't quite put his finger on what. Sif looked at him, annoyed, as he ignored their conversation, and turned to talk to Fandral. Loki couldn't quite bring himself to care.

What was it? It wasn't his hair—Loki would have noticed. It was the same length it always was, and the same color, like honey and the skins of golden apples.

It wasn't his eyes—they were still blue, a clear sky with lightning hidden in its depths.

It wasn't the way he laughed, or smiled, or caught Loki's eyes across the table.

Loki found he was leaning forward. No, it wasn't any of that, but he _was_ different somehow, as if a lens had been taken away and Loki was seeing him for the first time, almost too bright to bear.

He would have realized it sooner if it hadn't been _Thor_, of all people… as it was, it was too late.

He got up from the table, making hasty excuses, stumbling away from the crowd—but Thor stood up as well. He was following him.

_No,_ Loki thought. _Thor, stay away. What are you_ doing?

Thor caught up with him, grabbed him by the shoulders and spun him around. "Loki! Why are you leaving so soon?"

"I…" Loki couldn't meet Thor's eyes, found he was staring at his lips instead. He could feel Thor's hands on him acutely, found himself leaning in without knowing and _Thor returned the motion. _Their lips hovered centimeters from each other. Loki could feel Thor's breath, smelling of mead. He looked up, and saw his own lust returned in Thor's eyes. Loki leaned back, tearing away with a bright smile. "Ah, I was tired…" (he was still touching Thor, he realized, hands sliding across his back, and he pulled them away but Thor followed, reaching up to Loki's neck. No, no, they were in the middle of a feast, this was a _very bad idea_.)

"So impatient?" Loki asked quietly, a small, mischievous smile playing across his lips.

"_Yes_," Thor answered wholeheartedly.

Loki forced himself to untangle himself from Thor, looking around—but nobody had noticed anything yet. He grabbed Thor by the elbow and dragged him towards the exit.

"Wait till we're in bed, can't you?" he said distractedly, pushing away Thor's hands. Thor looked as innocent as could be, but he pulled them away for the moment. They ducked their way through the crowd, finally exiting the hall, and then Thor reached forward and pushed him against the wall, mouth open as they kissed. Loki closed his eyes. This was _good_… but damn it they were outside still.

He pulled away, panting slightly. "Thor," he said, "not yet."

"But we're alone," Thor pointed out.

That was a very good point, Loki had to admit, but he knew he had a better one… if he could only remember it…

Ah yes. "But we're right next to the entrance."

Thor looked over at the hall as though he had forgotten all about it. He pulled away reluctantly.

Loki caught his hair as he leaned back, pulling him closer. "Don't go yet," he growled.

"But you said we had to," Thor reminded him.

"I changed my mind," Loki answered. Thor met his eyes for a moment, uncertain. Then he ducked away and ran down the corridor.

"Hey!" Loki shouted.

"You'll have to catch me!" Thor called back. Loki grinned and ran after him. They ran through the castle until Loki caught up with Thor. Thor pulled Loki in for a kiss but found his hands going through thin air, and Loki laughed behind him. He turned around, almost catching him, but Loki ducked away. Now he was running with Thor behind. He stopped at his doorway, leaning against it, and watched Thor sprint around the corner.

There were no words now. Thor grabbed him and Loki let the door fall open behind them. They fell to the floor, breathless, and Loki remembered to lock the door with a twist of his fingers before he lost all rational thought.

They never made it to the bed.

That happened afterward, when Loki mentioned they might be more comfortable sleeping there than on the floor. Thor agreed.

When they finally tumbled into bed they lay without speaking in each other's arms. Loki closed his eyes and listened to the beating of Thor's heart, and his slow breathing.

"Why have we not done this before?" Thor asked eventually.

"I have no idea," Loki answered.

"Mmmm. We should do this more often."

"Most definitely," Loki replied, opening his eyes with a grin.

"I didn't mean right now…" Thor said weakly.

"Are you sure?" Loki asked, trailing a hand across Thor's skin.

"Well… ah…"

They did not get to sleep for quite some time after that.

The sun rose.

.

.

.


	3. Chapter 3

Loki was sleeping in his own bed. He knew the feel of his own bed and this was definitely his bed. But he always slept with clothes on… and yes, he usually didn't sleep with someone else. Hmm. Who could it be?

Oh.

Oh no.

Loki opened his eyes and sat up, staring at Thor in horror. What had he _done?_ He had to get out of here. Right now.

But his movements disturbed Thor, how opened his eyes blearily. "Loki?" he asked, confused. "What?"

Loki saw the moment when he remembered. Thor's face went pale and his eyes widened.

Loki summoned his clothes to him with a wave of his hand, and began to get dressed, carefully not looking at Thor.

His fingers fumbled with the ties. Thor sat up.

"Can I help?" Thor hadn't been reaching for Loki, Loki _knew_ that, and yet he found his hand had acted without thought, slapping Thor away. They stared at one another in silence for a moment. Finally Loki cleared his throat. "Just don't touch me," he said.

"I'm sorry," Thor answered.

And now he still couldn't undo the fastenings because not only were his hands shaking, his vision had gone blurry with tears and he began to cry. He wasn't sad. He did not know _why_ he should be crying, he just, wanted to put the shirt on, _damnit_!

He dropped it to the ground and summoned one without fastenings, pulling it over his head quickly. He felt better at once, his breaths coming slower and more calmly. He began to put on his trousers.

Thor scavenged for his own clothes, sitting on the floor where they had landed. He put on most of it, but then stood for a moment uncertainly. "I can't find my helmet," he said at last. "Or my shirt."

Loki closed his eyes, drawing the covers about him and curling up, hugging his knees. "Take one of mine," he said distantly. "I'll find your helmet later."

Thor moved over to the wardrobe.

If only he could stop crying maybe he could think. If only Thor would leave a little faster. If only…

Thor stopped near the bed, but he didn't reach out. Loki was grateful.

"I'm sorry," he said again.

"It's not your fault," Loki answered. He opened his eyes, and looked at Thor. Uncertain, guilty. "We are both to blame."

"But—" Thor looked pained.

"Just go," Loki said, closing his eyes once more. "_Please_."

And Thor left.

.

.

.


	4. Chapter 4

Thor felt as though they were watching him. Every time someone caught his eye he flinched, hurrying away. He felt as though it must cling to him, as though it must be obvious… _he slept with his brother. His own_ brother. What if they knew? What if they guessed? What if they had not been as discreet as they thought they had been?

Sif found him quickly. "Where were you!" she exclaimed. "We've been looking for you all day. You left so abruptly last night, we were worried."

"Tired," Thor said quickly. "We were tired. Loki and I. Nothing else."

Sif looked at him in puzzlement. "All right…" she said. "Speaking of Loki, have you seen him?"

"No!" Thor said. "Why should I? We don't sleep together, he's probably still in bed. Ask him." He rushed away before he could hear Sif's reply, face flaming. What had he said? He felt she must be looking at him, noticing he wasn't wearing his own shirt… (but he had his armour on. She wouldn't be able to tell. She wouldn't even think of such a thing. None of them would.)

He went down to the stables and saddled his horse, then rode out of the city. He felt in the mood to smash several large somethings, or to hunt a bilgesnipe. He called Mjolnir to him and waited while it drew closer, striking at the trees with his fists.

His hammer could not come soon enough. He opened his hand and it set to rest, a familiar comforting weight. He would make lightning, but that would draw attention. People might notice. People might ask.

He went in search of a hunt. The harder, the better.

.

.

.


	5. Chapter 5

Thor came home a week later, carrying his prize, a fully-grown bilgesnipe. It had been a nasty piece of work, hard to defeat, but the adrenaline rush and the danger and the sheer foolhardy _recklessness_ of taking on a predator that should never be taken on alone had filled him with a sense of peace. There was only the hunt.

But the feeling didn't last. His stomach tied in knots before he even saw the golden spires of Asgard on the horizon, and when he finally viewed the city he almost turned around and went back the way he came.

He would have, if he had not the dead bilgesnipe to carry.

He rode through the streets, passersby gawking at the carcass behind him, finally coming into the palace grounds.

Odin was furious of course. He had many harsh words to say about Thor leaving in the middle of important negotiations, caring nothing for Thor's protests that he hadn't actually been _part_ of the negotiations—_what were we supposed to say? _Odin yelled. _We didn't even know you had left for days; we had people searching the palace_.

Thor kept his head down and didn't argue. Any other time, he would have—but any other time, he would have had reasons. Reasons he was not ashamed to speak of. But how could he tell his father what had driven him from the palace so suddenly? He hardly knew himself. He only knew what had happened, and he only knew he wished he could forget.

It wouldn't get out of his head.

Thor fell back into his life easily, and told himself it was over with, that it didn't matter, that it had never happened.

But it stayed with him, like a bitter taste in the back of his mind. He would be laughing with his friends and his mind would whisper _you slept with Loki and they don't know_. Then his grin would fade, and he would have to shake off their questions. "I'm fine."

He was fine.

He was entirely fine.

.

.

.


	6. Chapter 6

At other times it was less a whisper than a scream, intruding onto every other thought. Thor knew he was not a bad person—and yet if he was not, why could he not forget? (Why had he done it at all?)

He tried to talk to Loki, once. But when Loki saw him coming he slipped away. He was avoiding Thor. (And wasn't _that_ Thor's fault too? After all, he was the one who had gone up to Loki in the hall—)

There was a space in his group where Loki used to be. Thor found himself waiting for one of Loki's biting remarks to remember he was not there. (Could it be he was missing Loki? They had been apart for longer.)

But it was not, really, that he was missing Loki. In the quiet of his mind he could admit that to himself. It was the thought that if Loki had acted like nothing had happened, perhaps Thor's own mind would stop reminding him.

Sif was the only one who noticed. When Thor asked, she said that they had not seen Loki for days. "At first we thought you had gone off together," she said. But three days later, Loki walked into the meeting like nothing had happened. Odin couldn't say anything till afterward, then berated him in private. Loki just tilted his head slightly and answered that he had been in the palace the entire time, and did not know he was being searched for.

Thor doubted the truth of that. Loki had many places to hide, but that he would not know they were being sought? That was more than unlikely. Loki always knew everything that happened in the palace, even before Thor did, down to the smallest gossip. He could not "miss" a large-scale search—not unless he meant to.

At first, it was almost unbearable. Nothing Thor could do would quiet his mind for more than a few minutes at a time. He could not sleep. The more he tried _not_ to think about what happened, the more he couldn't think of anything but. On the few occasions he did see Loki, he was relieved to find he harbored no more feelings toward him—but then the questions and guilt worried him even more. If he did not want Loki, why then _had_ he?

But time soothed even the greatest of wrongs, and as the months passed, the event faded to a nagging sort of worry, a pall that drifted across his mind every so often but that he could almost ignore. It was, he thought, the best he could hope for. It had happened, it was done, and it was over.

Loki began joining them again. Only with the three, never with Thor alone. Thor noticed that, but did not know what to do. He was not sure anything he did would be for the good, and not more harm. So he acted as if nothing was wrong, and in that way dared the others to ask what was going on.

They didn't.

It almost went back to the way it had been, before. Loki was his usual acerbic self, the group's conversations flowing without the strange emptiness they had had before. But Thor was careful never to touch Loki, and Loki never sat with him alone.

.

.

.


	7. Chapter 7

Thor thought at first that Loki's sickness was yet another excuse to be alone, away from Thor. But this adventure was to be with the others, and he really _did_ look unwell.

"Have you gone to a healer?" Thor asked diffidently from outside Loki's room. He had not been inside it since that night, but had found his helmet sitting on his bed the night he returned. Loki's shirt still sat in a crumpled pile behind the rest of his things, and his shirt had not been seen since. He wondered if Loki had burned it.

"I'll be fine," Loki answered. "It never lasts long."

"But if this is some chronic illness, surely you should seek help?" Thor asked.

"I said I'm fine," Loki snapped. "Just go on, play with your friends. I will be better when you return."

"No," Thor said. "We will wait until you are well enough to come. In the meantime, if you do not go to a healer today I will bring one to you."

Loki groaned from where he had hidden his head under the covers. Thor took that as invitation to call a healer.

Which was why Thor was hovering on the side of the room while the healer did the usual checks. The expression on her face had gone from composed to bewildered.

"Is he well?" Thor asked.

"Please shut up," Loki muttered. He looked at the healer. "Well? What is the matter? Speak up!"

The healer paused, swallowed, and brushed a hand through her hair. "Well," she said uncertainly. "You're not going to die. You aren't sick."

"I _told_ you," Loki returned, giving Thor an exasperated glance.

"But—" and now the healer opened her mouth, and then said nothing, as though she could not quite make herself speak. It was more frightening, to Thor, than any dire prediction—he had never seen a healer look as _uncertain_ as she did now. "Well… you appear to be pregnant.

Loki blinked.

"What?" Thor asked, while Loki said smoothly, "you must be mistaken."

"I'm _not_ mistaken," the healer said, and now she regained more of her confidence. "If you were a woman, I would have said for sure as soon as I saw you."

"But I am _not_ a woman," Loki said, slowly, as though the woman were deranged. "I am a _man_."

"I know that," the healer said. "But nevertheless—"

"Men. Don't. _Get_. Pregnant."

The healer took a deep breath and faced Loki's dangerous expression—a remarkable feat of bravery, in Thor's opinion. "I know that. But you are." She tapped his fingers on her belt for a moment, then asked, "Is there any sort of magic you were working with that could have caused a side effect like this if it went wrong?"

Loki looked at Thor, his expression one of pure panic. Thor stared back in shock.

The healer looked from one to the other. "Uh, is there something…?"

"Perhaps," Loki said quickly. "I have some ideas, although I will have to test the spells, of course. Can we get this over with now, or will we have to go to the healing rooms?"

"I'm afraid I don't follow," the healer said carefully.

"Get rid of it," Loki said. "The baby."

The healer closed her eyes as if bracing for impact. When she opened them again, she was calm. "About that…" she said. "The baby is already at the size that doing so would not be advisable.

"I _don't care_," Loki hissed.

"In addition," the healer went on, "This is an unprecedented case. We don't know how any of the usual herbs would affect you. If it were a matter of known percentages, we could try, but all we have is an unknown."

"I'll take it!" Loki said.

The healer shook her head. "And risk your death?" she asked. "Anything we do will have to be approved by the King or Queen first. No—don't give me that look, I value my job."

"What about your _life_?" Loki said menacingly.

Thor stepped between Loki and the healer, and began to hurry her away, almost slamming the door behind her. He massaged the bridge of his nose and sighed.

Thor realized, belatedly, that he was in Loki's room. With Loki. Alone.

Loki did not move. Thor turned to see him sitting on the bed, shaking with silent laughter. He met Thor's eyes with ones that looked almost feral. "You!" he said. "It's your fault. It's yours."

Thor could not speak. The whisper in his head had returned full-force, taunting and absolute. _You slept with your brother and now he's pregnant_.

"There must be some explanation," Thor stammered out, finally.

Loki stopped laughing slowly. He sat with his head bent down, hair falling into his eyes. His voice was dull. "There is none."

.

.

.


	8. Chapter 8

Thor felt as though something had happened the night of the feast. Something other than the obvious. It was as if someone had pushed their lives ajar and they could do nothing but wonder what had happened.

What had enticed them to make love? What could _possibly_ have influenced them so? It could not have been drink—they had drunk often enough before and nothing of the sort had ever happened. It was as if one moment they were in love—and now they weren't. It would almost be easier if they were. At least then Thor would have a reason for his actions, something concrete to be guilty about instead of only questions.

And now this—had it been something Loki did, by accident? Had it been some great cosmic coincidence? It just wasn't possible. Two men—two _brothers_ did not just suddenly fall madly in love for once night, conceive a child, and then wake up the next morning with perfect memories but no idea _why_. It was impossible.

Thor said this, puzzling out his thoughts as he did so. He felt sure that, if he could only find the one missing piece—whatever it was—it would all make sense.

But Loki, instead of looking heartened, only smiled a twisted smile. "You forget, brother, that sometimes the simplest answers are true."

"What, then?" Thor asked. "What do you say happened?"

Loki shrugged. "We were drunk," he said. "Obviously much more than we though we were."

"So…" Thor said, incredulous, "So that's it? You believe we just… that we harbor some… shameful thoughts that we could not express before?"

Loki shrugged again. He looked listless and wan. "How do we know we don't?" he asked quietly.

There was something very backward about that assumption, Thor thought. But when he tried to say why, he could not find the words. So he tried a different tack. "Even so, that does not explain this… impossibility." He gestured vaguely in Loki's direction.

Loki had his head hidden in his hands, but he looked up at Thor's words. "I am a sorcerer," he said.

"That has nothing to do with this—"

"That has _everything_ to do with this! Do you think I could not create a spell like this if I wanted to? Do you? _Do you_?!"

Loki strode off the bed and up to Thor, slamming him against the door in sudden rage.

"I do not—are you saying you put some sort of spell on yourself that night?"

"I don't know! I don't think so. _What if I did?_"

Thor reached out to Loki carefully, and when Loki did not flinch or try to throw him out the window, hugged him tightly. Loki clung to him, suddenly sobbing. "Shhh," Thor said. He brushed a hand through Loki's hair, wet with sweat and tears. "If you don't remember doing it, you didn't do it. Simplest explanation, correct?"

Loki gave a chocked laugh amid his tears. "You've got it all wrong," he said, words muffled in Thor's shoulder.

Thor thought rather that Loki's twisted mind had seen a fit way to torture itself more fully, but did not say so. He swore he would find that missing piece, and then they would _both_ know what had happened, and why.

.

.

.


	9. Chapter 9

They had moved onto the bed. Loki was still crying, but Thor's strong hold was comforting. He could almost forget everything that had gone wrong, and pretend Thor held all the answers once again. That Thor was right. That there really _was_ some other explanation that they would be able to figure out, together.

A knock on the door interrupted him from his thoughts, and Loki opened his eyes. His head was resting in Thor's lap. He scrambled up, pushing Thor away and wiping his eyes before managing to call out, "Whose there?"

"It's just me," Frigga answered. After a moment, she tried the door. It was unlocked and opened easily. She walked up to the bed and sat down beside him. "The healer told me," she said quietly.

"I'll kill her," Loki said.

Frigga wrapped an arm around Loki who rested against her with a sigh. "I think she was afraid you might try."

"I would not let Loki do any such thing," Thor said.

Frigga smiled. "Of course you won't."

Loki sighed in exasperation. Like he couldn't make it look like an accident. But he wasn't that rash—not like Thor. It wasn't the healer's fault, and he knew she didn't really deserve to die for it. That didn't stop him from imagining though… "Did she tell you everything?" he asked apprehensively.

"Everything she knew. Of course I imagine that's not the whole story?"

"Not really," Loki answered.

"Well, you should rest now," Frigga said gently. "Thor, leave us."

Thor gave them one more anxious glance before he left, closing the door behind them. Loki sat up and looked at his hands. "I don't want to keep the baby," he said. "I imagine the healer told you all about the 'risks'—I don't care. It's my decision."

Frigga sighed. "Loki—"

"No!" Loki said. "I—I didn't look for this, okay?

Frigga put a hand on his arm. "I know it might be a lot to think of, that you might want to change your mind now—but Loki, it will be worth it."

Loki stared. "What? No—it was an accident."

Frigga's eyebrows raised. "Really," she said. She sighed. "I think we both know that these kind of spells take a lot of effort. Though I would have liked it if you informed us before you made your decision, I'll make sure everything is okay. All right? There's nothing to worry about."

"No, you don't understand—" Loki started.

"Yes?" Frigga asked seriously.

What could he say? That he might have made such a spell, but he had no recollection of it, and if he had, he was most certainly not in his right mind when it happened? That he had suddenly been in love with Thor for no reason that he could explain to himself rationally, but wasn't anymore? Unless maybe he really was, but he didn't know it? And what if he said any of those things? Then the truth would all come out. And he couldn't expect Frigga to keep it a secret, not when their ill-advised drunken night would mean neither of them could take the throne, by the laws of Asgard. They would be in disgrace.

"Rest," Frigga said. "You'll be fine, Loki."

And it was only after she had gone that he realized he had said nothing at all.

.

.

.


	10. Chapter 10

Thor wandered the palace aimlessly. He did not know where to start in his investigation of what had happened. There was no one he could talk about his thoughts with but Loki, and Loki was convinced there was nothing more to it than the obvious.

Well, Loki always started with the library—so Thor made his way there. But the sight of shelves and shelves of books made his heart sink. He had no idea what he was looking for, or where he might find it.

He began to walk through the shelves, picking out books and flipping through them as though the answer would appear to him.

But no answer appeared. He continued his search the next day, and the next, bringing a supply of food into the library and camping out in it. He would not leave until he had the answer.

But it was elusive as ever. The words on the page turned into nothing but rune after rune.

Fandral found him there, surrounded by piles and piles of books. His expression was an amusing picture of utter shock at the sight. Thor smiled at him tiredly. "Fandral! Why do you come here? I think I found a poem you might like, somewhere…" he said, searching through the books piled around him.

"I was looking for you, actually," Fandral answered. "We all were. Your father wants to speak to you and none of us knew where you'd gotten off to. But this was the last place I'd think to find you—what _are_ you reading?"

"I think this one's a history," Thor said at last, looking down at the book before him. "Unless it is a tale. I am not quite sure."

"Are you all right?" Fandral asked.

"What? Can't I read a book without you thinking I've gone mad?" Thor joked.

"_A_ book, certainly," Fandral said. "But this looks like the whole library. How many days have you been in here?"

"I do not quite recall," Thor admitted. He stretched his arms and tried to think. His mind was filled with random facts and heavy worries, and very void of any sort of rational thought.

"See, _this_ is what I'm talking about," Fandral said. "With Loki, I wouldn't be surprised, but you?" he sat down across from Thor. "Really, what's the matter? You've been acting strange for… I don't know. Ever since you went off to hunt that bilgesnipe alone. Did something happen?"

Thor grinned. "No, nothing. You worry too much, Fandral." He got up and began walking out of the library. Fandral caught up. "Me, worry too much? Who are you and where have you taken Thor?"

Thor laughed. He wondered if it sounded as hollow as he felt.

.

.

.


	11. Chapter 11

He meant to visit Loki the next day, but somehow he never got the chance. After his talk with Odin—thankfully nothing related to him or Loki or neglecting duties—the Warriors Three and Sif seemed to have many things that needed to be done. Every time he tried to slip away, someone else would mention, "And now we must do this…"

It was very tiring. But without really noticing, Thor found his spirits rising. Though he still worried, he decided to wait until Loki decided to talk to him. Thor could explain his reasons and say that he didn't need Loki to believe him, only show him how to use the library. Loki always knew where the right books were.

It was a few weeks before Thor finally managed to slip away—his friends were making up stranger and stranger tasks that just _must_ be done, right this moment—certainly as part of a concentrated effort to fix whatever had gone wrong with him—but he had lost them for a moment, and took the chance to slip off to Loki's room.

He was surprised to find it locked, and Loki didn't answer any of his calls. Thor walked away, thoughtful. Had Loki decided to continue avoiding him? Where had he been in the palace, anyhow? Thor did not remember seeing him at all after the cancelled trip with the Warriors Three and Sif.

When they found him again—it took five more minutes than he had expected, so either they had been distracted of Thor was getting better at hiding—Thor asked where Loki was.

Sif shrugged. Fandral shook his head. Volstagg looked thoughtful for a moment, but then admitted he had no idea.

Thor looked at Hogun. "I have not seen him," Hogun admitted. "Should we be worried?"

"No," Thor said. "I was just wondering."

But his former light mood had evaporated.

The next day he asked Frigga where Loki was. "In his room," she said. "Did he not admit you?"

"Oh," Thor said. He did not want to say that not only had Loki not admitted him, he had not even spoken to him. He did not know why Loki would do such a thing. He'd thought they had gotten back on speaking terms. But if they had not, that was his and Loki's problem alone to deal with.

"I'll do that right now," Thor said.

He went into his own room instead and locked the door. He tried to imagine what might induce Loki to hide in his room like this. Surely he and Mother had already taken care of the pregnancy? Did those things take longer than he had supposed?

Maybe Loki was angry at Thor.

Maybe Loki was angry at himself.

Thor walked over to his wardrobe, reaching in past all his clothes to pick up Loki's crumpled shirt, hidden in the corner. It had not been washed—he did not know how to get it washed without someone noticing it had come from the wrong room—so it smelled like sweat and bilgesnipe.

With a wrinkle of his nose, Thor stuck it back in the corner and hid it again. He didn't know why he had taken it out. Perhaps he hoped it would not be there. If it wasn't there, maybe nothing had happened.

But of course it was there. Even if it had been gone, that would only mean he had one more thing to wonder about.

.

.

.


	12. Chapter 12

Note: some secondary characters (names at the end of the chapter) OOC for plot purposes

* * *

Thor returned to Loki's room and knocked again the next week. Again, Loki gave no answer, and Thor left with a heavy heart.

And the next week, and the next week, and the next week. Thor stopped hoping for an answer, but did not stop knocking. He wanted Loki to remember he was still there, and that he held him no ill-will.

So months passed, and Thor saw Loki, and heard Loki, not at all.

It was early morning. Thor had been planning to knock tomorrow, but his way back from breakfast had taken him near Loki's quarters, and he stepped up to the door to knock. "It is I Thor," he said, and made to turn away.

But there was a sound in the room, and a voice called, "Thor?"

"Loki?" Thor asked.

"Come in," Loki answered. Thor stepped into the room and Loki locked the door behind him quickly. He was sitting upon a chair by his bed, looking pale and tired. Thor looked about the room. In the times when Loki locked himself away, Thor had always entered to find the room a complete mess, so different from its usual aspect, spells and inventions littering the floor, and open books residing on every table.

The room was perfectly ordered.

"Loki, what has happened?" he asked. "Why would you not speak to me? Why are you speaking to me now? What have you been doing for all this time?"

Loki favored him with a frown. "What are you talking about?" he asked. "Why are _you_ speaking to me?"

Thor stopped short. "Should I not be?" he asked uncertainly.

"Should you not be! I suppose that would be _your_ choice, seeing as it was you who haven't come to see me—not once."

"What do you mean? I have come here every day, but it was locked and you did not answer. Should I have broken the door down and come in against your will?"

Loki's eyes widened, and his mouth twisted into a pained smile. "Oh," he said.

"What? What is it?" Thor hurried over.

"I have been tricked," Loki said. "As have you. A fine trick, at that. Mother is clever."

"A trick? Are you saying she has lied? She would never—"

Loki leaned back and closed his eyes. "Thor, I was never in here."

Thor stopped.

"Mother made up a chamber for me in her own wing of the palace," Loki went on. "And she said you had refused to see me. I could only think I had angered you in some way."

"But why—" Thor said. "What was the purpose of this ruse? Only to keep us apart?" he would not have believed Loki's story so easily, but now he remembered his friends' attempts to keep him diverted, and wondered whether there had been another motive.

"She knew, of course, that if I talked to you you would take my side," Loki said. "And then she would have no chance in her scheming."

"Loki, what are saying?"

"Mother has always wanted an heir," Loki said at last.

Thor sat down beside Loki on the floor and put his head in his hands. "I am sorry," he said. "I should have looked for you."

"It's over," Loki said, with a careless wave of the hand, but his eyes were bright and brittle.

"We will talk to our parents about this," Thor said at last. "Tell Father. We must convince them they have done wrong, so they do not do such a thing in future."

Loki laughed shortly. "Do you think Odin didn't know?"

Thor stared at him, aghast. "How much of a conspiracy has this been?"

"More than you know," Loki murmured. "And I fear you will have a hard time stopping them." And Thor's questioning look he added, "They wish us to be married."

Thor rolled his eyes. "And you had almost convinced me," he said. "Come now, stop this jest. I am very glad you have decided to speak to me again, whatever your reasons, and I have _no intentions_ of taking advantage of you." (_Again_) said the whisper in his head. (Again again again.)

"I am so glad you have such faith in our family," Loki said silkily, "that you would believe them over me. What I am about to tell you now will make you hate me. It made myself hate me, and I am of loose morals, as you so often point out."

"What?" Thor said. Loki certainly did not _look_ like he was joking. Perhaps this was some grand revenge.

"I'm adopted."

Thor sighed. "Loki, please, tell me the truth. Do you wish me to go? Say so, and I will."

Loki stood suddenly, features twisted with rage. "I am not lying!" he shouted. "I was kidnapped. By Odin. Your father is not my father. Your mother is not my mother. Ergo, it is perfectly acceptable that we marry, providing one of us can produce an her, which _I just did_."

Thor stood up. "Loki, I am growing tired of your games," he warned.

"Do you have to see? Well then—see!" And before Thor's eyes Loki's pale skin seemed to fade away, replaced by dusky blue. It traveled up to his face, over his eyelids, and when he opened his eyes they were red, and pitiless, and—

"Frost giant," Thor said, hardly a whisper, feeling for a weapon. But Mjolnir was too far to come of aid before he had been killed, and he was unarmed.

"Yes," said the thing in front of him. "Now do you see, golden prince?" It laughed at his pointless grasping. "Kill me!" it said. "I wish you would. Then I would not have to live with myself."

"What—what is this trick?" Thor asked. "Where is Loki? Where have you taken him?" He reached to grab the thing by the throat but its skin burned his fingers with cold. He grabbed it atop its armour instead. "Tell me!" he demanded. "What have you done with my brother?"

The thing sighed. "Your brother has never existed," it said. "I have always been Loki."

"I do not believe that," Thor said roughly. "If you don't reveal my brother's whereabouts, I shall smash your head in with my hammer."

The thing looked at him, completely calm. "Go ahead," it said.

And he couldn't. He couldn't do anything.

The mask dissolved to reveal Loki's face beneath. The thing that wasn't Loki pushed him aside and stalked out the door. "Talk to your parents," it said.

And he was alone, hardly knowing what had happened. Perhaps this was only another of Loki's tricks. That made sense. It wasn't going to work—Thor wasn't going to believe him. Every time he believed one of Loki's outlandish stories he ended up embarrassing himself. Well, not this time.

.

.

.

* * *

Odin and Frigga


	13. Chapter 13

Thor went in search of the Warriors Three and Sif. "I am in the mood for an adventure," he announced.

"Not another one," Sif said, but she smiled.

"Yes. Come."

"Where are we going?" Volstagg asked.

"Into the mountains," Thor said. He could not say he had no plan—that would excite their suspicion at once. "I plan to find a great dragon and slay it."

"A dragon?" They had all spoken together. "Thor, you cannot possibly believe—"

"That we can't defeat one together? After all we have done? Don't be so worried. We will take a small one."

"What about Loki?" Hogun asked. "If we are to defeat a dragon, we should have a mage with us."

Thor's smile became tight. "Loki did not wish to come," he announced. He waited for any of them to speak, then left. He could not help thinking of what Loki—of what—but no. It had been nothing but a trick, and such a cruel trick did not deserve any consideration.

Thor gathered his needed supplies and the group met at the gates to ride away.

"I heard that Odin wished to speak to you," Sif said.

"I don't want to speak to him," Thor said, hands tightening on his reigns. "Let us go."

They rode out.

In the end, they did not get their dragon. They spent a few weeks searching for one in the mountains. They had a couple of near misses, and one fight with a rather large one, angry they had encroached in its territory—but without Loki, it was as much as they could do to fight it off without being killed, and they ended up retreating.

The dragon, pleased at its success, flew away to its high perch.

For once the failure of their mission didn't daunt Thor. None of his friends were to know that he had not had any interest in killing a dragon, only in getting away from Asgard, and Loki, both of which things had happened.

But the hunt could not last forever, and they rode back to the city. Thor thought dourly as they crested the last rise that every time he saw it from afar, he hated the thought of returning more and more.

He wasn't sure if the proper response to that was to never leave, or never come back.

.

.

.


	14. Chapter 14

Thor waited for Odin to berate him. But when Odin finally called for him (his friends staring after him with worried expressions) he didn't start yelling.

A pit opened in Thor's stomach.

"I went to kill a dragon," he said.

No response. No yelling about how foolish he had been.

"I failed."

And still, all Odin did was sigh.

"Loki told me of your reaction," he said at last. "I suppose it was to be expected—I did tell him one of us should be there, but he wanted to tell you alone."

"Tell me _what_?" Thor said. "He didn't tell me anything, he just played a trick on me—"

"Thor," Odin said with a sigh. "That was no trick."

"—I—" Thor clenched his fists. "What do you mean, 'that was no trick'? Do you know what he said to me? Do you know what he _did_? He pretended to be a frost giant. A _frost giant_! Just to get back at me for—" Thor stopped. He had never figured out just what Loki had been trying to get back at him for. "For something," he finished weakly.

His father stared at him impassively. "Do you remember when I told you of the Great War between us and Jotunheim?"

Thor couldn't speak. He wanted to say something, but all he could do was stare. He wanted to yell, _stop! Stop these lies!_

"In the aftermath of the battle, I went into the temple where they kept their Casket, and I found a baby. It had been abandoned, left to die. I picked it up, and it changed into a form like our own. I did not know why, or how. I only knew I could not leave it to die, and that it might someday be more of a boon than I could ever have imagined." He paused. "And I was right."

"No," Thor said. "No, you were not—how could you say this? You—you must be lying! Does mother know?"

"She knows, yes."

_She knew?_ But how could she—how could she accept a monstrous child as her own (how could she lie to Loki like that)—

"Did Loki know, then? The whole time?" He did not think so, but it was always possible… and his mind was already looking at their every time together in a new light—

"No. Your mother thought it best to tell him after he had given birth."

Thor breathed in, trying to keep a check on his anger. He had not finished speaking with his father just yet.

"Did she," he said evenly. He could not think of a _worse_ time to tell Loki such a thing. But then again (if he was to be believed) she had tricked him into accepting the child somehow, using Thor's own name to drive in the knife… and how had she gotten him to agree? Or had she not? The possibilities swirled in a thick black cloud, each worse than the next.

"But that is not what I called you here to talk about," Odin said. (So _now_ he would rebuke Thor for his foolish behavior. He should have known.)

"We had no time to talk about the wedding before you left, so we arranged it in your absence."

"What?" Thor said at last, finding his voice. "I am not—there will _be_ no wedding!"

"It's all right," Odin said. "Loki told us everything. There is no shame in loving your brother if he was never your brother in the first place—we will tell everyone you knew about that when you committed your—_indiscretion_. And you already have an heir, so that's settled."

"No—this is _not_ settled. I don't love Loki, and I never have! Not like that. We were drunk."

Odin fixed him with a wearying eye.

"Have you ever known me to love a man?" Thor asked at last. "Every single person I have ever slept with has been a woman."

"Except for Loki," Odin added.

"He's my _brother_," Thor said desperately. He searched for a better reason to deter Odin from his path. "Marrying him to me would have no political significance! You said so yourself—he was cast out from Jotunheim! So either I will be marrying my brother, or an enemy's bastard." He waited for Odin to admit that Thor was right. He _was_ right. There was no way this marriage could be anything but disastrous.

"In light of the wedding, we have re-opened negotiations with Jotunheim," Odin said. "If you marry, they stand to gain the Casket. We avert a scandal, and further our reputation as peacemakers of the nine realms."

Thor stepped back in shock. This was… he could not think. On the one hand, of course peace was always sought for, but on the other… trusting the enemy? The _Jotuns_? Was Father mad? (Had he _lied_ about Loki being abandoned? Loki had said he was kidnapped… and now, if he was important enough that a marriage between him and the prince of Asgard could bring peace…) it looked sicker the more he thought on it.

"Was this your plan, then?" Thor asked distantly. "The whole time?"

Odin shook his head. "No, it was not… the original plan was a bit different, but that doesn't matter now. It turned out well for us in the end." He stood up. "I know you will do what is right for the good of Asgard," he said before turning to leave.

He paused for a moment at the doorway. "The wedding is in two weeks."

.

.

.


	15. Chapter 15

Thor stalked out of the room, ready to scream at the first person who dared speak to him. No one did—they knew the eldest prince's moods enough to stay away when he looked like that.

He walked, uncaring where, turning over all that he had learned in his mind. Surely there must be some way to call the marriage off? But then what? There was still the matter of the child, and the peace negotiations—surely peace was preferable to war, if they could get it? But would the Jotuns keep to their word? _Could_ they? (But of course, that was where Loki came in.)

He did not know what to do. Surely Loki must hate him now, if he had not before—and yet who else could he go to? Not mother—she had been a part of the cursed plan. Not any of his friends—they knew nothing of all this.

For the first time, Thor felt alone in his own home.

He ended up before Loki's door. Thor raised his hand to knock but it was flung open before he could reach the wood.

Loki stared out at him. It must be Loki, anyhow—it was wearing Loki's clothes and standing in Loki's room, and Mother and Father wouldn't have let any _other_ frost giants into Asgard, surely…

"Thor," said the not-Loki. "Has Odin spoken to you already?"

"Yes," Thor said. "That is why I came to you." The not-Loki turned away, walking to the window, and Thor came in hesitantly, closing the door behind him. The not-Loki locked it quickly with a careless motion.

Thor could not remember his thoughts, staring at the not-Loki. It _looked_ like Loki. It had Loki's black hair, Loki's shape, his quiet gait—but Loki was not a frost giant, and so he could not think of it as Loki.

"You are wishing to know why I wear this monstrous form," Loki said.

"No," Thor answered. Loki stared at him wryly, and for a moment, past the uncanny gleam of red, Thor could almost see his brother.

"Practice," Loki said. "For the wedding. It wouldn't do if I changed back right in the middle, would it?" he said. "I cannot hold it very long yet."

Thor noticed, for the first time, how Loki held himself—as if he were afraid to look upon his body, or touch it. That had been half of the strangeness he had noticed, and Thor thought he might not be so different at all if he did not look so completely afraid. His face was quite blank, but Thor could tell.

He forced himself to walk closer. It was still his brother. It was still Loki. Loki hated this just as much as he—_more_ so, if Thor knew anything about him.

"If I touch you, will I freeze my fingers off?" Thor asked.

"Not unless I want you to," Loki answered. He was still staring out the window with a far away expression, and had not reacted at Thor's proximity. Thor hoped that Loki _didn't_ want him to freeze his fingers off. He reached out—checked himself as a physical feeling of revulsion washed over him, and then began again, more determined—he was not going to leave his brother alone. He was not going to betray him like the rest of his family had.

When he touched Loki's hand, it was cold. He could not help flinching away, and Loki laughed. "Not so eager now, are you?" he asked.

Thor scowled, and grabbed Loki's hand, this time holding on. Loki did not turn to meet his eyes, but his posture slumped, as though he had been holding himself up out of sheer will. Thor held his hand close for a moment. It was not like ice, really—only cooler than any normal hand should be. He forced himself to look upon it, then traced the thin upraised lines on his hand. "What are these?" he asked.

Loki looked down at their two clasped hands. "I don't know," he said. It was a desperate sound, and Thor reached for Loki's neck, bringing their heads together so their foreheads rested against each other.

"It's all right," he said.

Loki breathed as if he were about to cry, but had soon controlled himself again, though it was a minute before he spoke. "They mean things," he said. "I read about it. All of these—they mean things. There isn't a lot of information on Jotuns in the library so I couldn't figure out what. I have only a vague idea for most of them. But, this one here," he leaned away, bringing Thor's hand up to his forehead, "This is Laufey's family sign. It shows that I'm his son." The look on his face was caught between despair, disgust, and that spark of pride Loki always got when he knew something interesting.

"Laufeyson, eh?" Thor asked.

"I suppose," Loki answered.

"You'll still be my brother," Thor said quietly. "You'll always be my brother to me."

Loki smiled—a pale, small smile, but it was not an angry one. "And you will always be mine," he said.

Thor bit his tongue before he could ruin all that he had said with a request for Loki to change back into his normal form. He looked out the window. "And what about the wedding?" he asked. "What will the people think?"

"Let them think what they want," Loki said harshly.

"They will want to have answers," Thor said.

"They will get answers—Odin will make sure of that."

"But the truth?" Thor asked.

"What _is_ the truth?" Loki said, looking at him again. "What can we tell them that does not sound mad?"

Thor sighed. He stared out over the rooftops below. "You were right," he said at last. "We are not done being manipulated."

"I'm always right," Loki said quietly.

Thor grinned. "Not _always_," he teased. "Here—let me tell you of the adventure I went on! I meant to kill a dragon."

Loki stared at him for a moment before his eyes widened. "You're serious," he said incredulously. "What were you _thinking_?"

Thor shrugged. "I couldn't kill it, of course—but we had a great battle. We were walking through the forest when we came to a gorge, with a stream running through it. We looked around for the dragon's nest, hoping to surprise it…"

.

.

.


	16. Chapter 16

The Warriors Three and Sif had learned of the upcoming wedding, the whole sordid tale as known by the palace servants, by the time Thor left Loki's room. He had stayed the rest of the day, talking of light things, the both of them trying to forget what had happened, and what was soon to come.

His friends cornered him at once.

"Is it _true_?" Fandral exclaimed. "Loki is a _frost giant_?"

"Quite true," Thor said. He tried to push on past.

"And you _slept_ with him?" Sif said incredulously.

"Not exactly—" Thor said. "I'm telling the truth!" he added. "It wasn't like that." Except it _had_ been like that, of course, and he still didn't know why. He had begun to view that night as the night everything went wrong, the true source of all their troubles.

"They say you have a child," Volstagg put in.

"I suppose," Thor said. "I've never met it."

"So you _did_ sleep with him," Fandral said.

"No—" Thor said evasively.

"You knew what he was and you didn't tell us?" Sif asked. "Why, Thor? Did you not trust us? I hate frost giants as much as anyone, but Loki is different. I would not have told a soul."

"I didn't know," Thor said. "I didn't know until just before we left to kill the dragon."

There was a short silence.

"So…" Fandral said at last. "You slept with him when you thought he was your brother."

"Have you considered that Loki seduced you?" Sif asked seriously. At Thor's shocked expression, she went on, "If he has forced you to this in any way—"

"No," Thor said. "No, he didn't force me. Let us talk about something else. _Please_."

Fandral had a look of disgust on his face. "I can't imagine what it must be like to bed one of them," he said. "Do they really feel like ice?"

"Ask Loki," Thor returned, his temper fraying. "I'm sure he would be _thrilled_ to answer all your questions. He might even find you a girl so you can decide for yourself."

"He meant no disrespect," Hogun said. "None of us do."

"Thank you, Hogun," Thor said. "I think I will retire now." He fled the corridor, and went to his room, locking the door behind him.

Loki had always locked his door, and Thor used to laugh at him for it. _What are you hiding from_? he'd said.

_I just don't like people barging in all the time,_ Loki returned, annoyed.

_But everyone knocks_, Thor had replied.

Thor sank onto his bed with a groan. If this was how his closest friends reacted, how would the people? Not that the commoners would be able to say much, but he could just imagine the looks they would get from every visiting lord and diplomat. A horrible thought came to him. Would there be frost giants attending the wedding? It was like a nightmare that wouldn't end.

.

.

.


End file.
